Andaluz

BMW Z4

It's sex, but not as we know it
By Jeremy Clarkson - - ONLY REGISTERED AND ACTIVATED USERS CAN SEE ALL LINKS - CLICK HERE TO REGISTER



When the BMW Z4 came onto the market many mocked its styling and jeered its designer. And I’m ashamed to say I may have been party to that mocking and jeering. While the proportions were rather good — it had a long bonnet and super-short bum — the detailing was hopeless. Just when a curve was starting to get interesting, an unusual crease zoomed into the equation, spoiling everything. It was a mess, a curious blend of organic bulbousness and trouser-press straight lines. It was almost as though it had been made by an origami expert out of Plasticine.

Then you stepped inside and, my God, it got worse. It was a cocktail of plastics that neither looked nor felt satisfying in any way. Then you discovered the designer was an American and you thought: well, that figures.

BMW themselves were obviously a bit worried, because when it came to advertising their new car they said only that it had the fastest-operating electric roof in the world. That was neither interesting nor, as it turned out, true. The roof on the Honda S2000 was faster.

To drive? Well it was far from BMW’s finest effort, being a bit wooden and uninspiring. It certainly wasn’t nice enough to overcome the woeful styling. Going ugly early is something that works in a Newcastle nightclub. But not when you’re buying a car . . .

The thing is, though: it did work with the Z4. This was a car that, quite simply, came too soon. Because now, when I see one, I think it’s a striking crisp and modern effort; much nicer to behold than the Mercedes SLK and a million times better than the push-me-pull-you Porsche Boxster.

So when I heard that BMW was going to let its motor sport division have a fiddle, it sounded like something truly wonderful would result. I love BMW’s M cars, and when I heard the Z4 was going to get the M3’s 3.2 litre straight six I was priapic with anticipation.

The best looking two-seater sports car with the best sporting engine of them all. Theoretically the best combination since someone said: “I wonder what cranberry juice would taste like if you put some vodka in it.”

Now of course this theory sometimes doesn’t hold up. You may recall the BMW Z8, which was a panty wettingly pretty car. And it came with the engine from an M5. That’s a cocktail that sounds just as enticing and as appealing as Baileys with lime juice.

There’s only one way to understand just how disappointing it was: you need to try Baileys with lime juice. Take a good slurp of Baileys and hold it in your mouth. Then take a slug of lime cordial and rinse them together as though you were using mouthwash. Sounds like a good idea, yes? The creaminess of the hen-night special with a fruity, tangy edge.

Yes, but sadly it isn’t quite like that because the cordial causes the Baileys to curdle, pretty much instantly, so that within moments you have the most foul-tasting tennis ball in your mouth. What’s more, it’s too big to swallow so now you’re gagging. And because your mouth is full, the vomit has to come out of your nose. This is not an edifying spectacle but it gives an inkling, I hope, of what it feels like to drive a Z8.

So would the Z4 M — as the new car’s called — be more of the same? Or would it be an answer to the prayers of all those who find the Porsche Boxster too ugly, the Audi TT too homosexual and the Honda S2000 too Honda-ish? The performance figures look good: 0-62 is dealt with in 5sec and the top speed is, as you’d expect, limited to 155mph. In other words the Z4 M appears to go just as quickly as the Mercedes SLK 55 AMG. Which is £8,000 more expensive.

However, there’s a flip side to this argument. At £42,795 the new car is £19,000 more expensive than the cheapest Z4. Which is like building a 10-bedroom mansion in the roughest part of town. And let’s not forget that the base Z4 is not that far removed from the Pifco Z3, which was more a hairstyling tool than a car.



It’s tricky then. On the one hand £42,000 looks like good value. But on the other it looks like a hell of a lot. It wouldn’t be so bad if the M looked markedly different from the standard Z4 — but you have to have a seriously chunky anorak to tell them apart. And it’s the same story on the inside. Apart from a steering wheel so fat you can’t get your hands round it — my wife liked this a lot — it was standard fare.

Still, I thought, in some ways I rather liked this business suit camouflage. It’s what a BMW M car should be, lots of muscle hidden away until anyone tries to take it on. So I slotted it into first, dumped the clutch. And stalled.

While I applaud BMW for continuing to offer manual gearboxes on their sporty cars — Aston Martin and Mercedes don’t — I do wish they’d get their clutches right. They really are awfully bitey.

Whatever, I finally got it going and settled down into a big spiky bed of disappointment. The Z4 M is not what I was expecting at all. It doesn’t feel or sound fast, and if you try to wring its neck the traction control system comes down on your head like an anvil.

I took corners at speeds that don’t ruffle my SLK at all, and in the Beemer the little traction control light was winking away constantly. Either that’s because it’s overly nannied or it’s a bad chassis. Either way, I didn’t like it.

Then I stalled again.

The steering was a bit less direct than I’d been hoping for too, and worse still, when I lowered the roof I detected some traces of dreaded scuttle shake. This was awful. There’s no way a Z4 M can be seen as a cut-price rival for the SLK 55, because it misses the mark on every level.

And then, on a trip down the motorway, I thought: “Hang on a minute. This is jolly comfortable.” And it was. Early Z4s rode like their tyres were made out of bits of Edinburgh, but this one, the sportiest of the lot, was fairly soft and compliant. And quiet, too.

Sometimes with the Merc I daren’t use full power because the racket from those tailpipes verges on being embarrassing. But in the Beemer all is soft and gentle.

And that’s what this car is all about, actually. Contrary to what I’d been expecting, it’s not a balls out, hunkered down M3. It’s not a Patriot missile built to bring down the AMG Scud. It’s a fast and comfortable cruiser; closer in spirit and character to the Jaguar XK.

On that basis I think the price is good, the looks are good, the hood is good, the engine is good. My complaints are few and small. As usual with BMW, I loathed the idiotic sat nav system, the fuel tank is far too small, and there’s a bit too much buffeting when you put the roof down and go really fast.

This car, then, is not vodka and cranberry juice. And nor is it Baileys and lime juice. It’s a well made, carefully prepared, slow and very comfortable screw up against the wall.

*Vital statistics*

-Model: BMW Z4 M Roadster

-Engine: 3246cc, six cylinders
-Power: 338bhp @ 7900rpm
-Torque: 269 lb ft @ 4900rpm
-Transmission: Six-speed manual

-Fuel: 23.3mpg (combined cycle)
-CO2: 292g/km

-Acceleration 0-62mph: 5sec
-Top speed: 155mph

-Price: £42,795

-Rating: 4/5
-Verdict: Well-mannered muscle

The Artist

it will be on top gear tonite..
and they will bring back the CCX with some rear wings to set a new lap time..
kinda cheating..but lets see what it can do..

PS
New S class tested to--hihi sounds like a gr8 show

warot

Hmm, that review didn't sound like a 4/5 from Clarkson. But one thing shocked me. He thinks the Z4 is good looking? What on earth? How can he think that the Z4 is better looking than the M5, when the M5's design is so much easier to swallow imo. Oh well, I'd take either in a heartbeat.

mc_blue

He changes his opionion fairly often.

Slightly OT - I saw a FL Z4 2.0 on Friday - looked a lot better actually.

Deutsch

What a lame review. He hardly talks about the driving experience, more about stupid "Baileys" and mouth wash (this review is hog wash). Not only that but so much the contrary to what other reivews I have read about the M roadster, I think he read so many good reviews he had to throw his own personal - proverbial wrench into the equation so that he'd get the negative number he was so hoping he'd see all along sot hat he could say something good. If anything at all I think Clarkson's age has finally caught up w/ him, especially since this wiz of a performance driver stalled the car not once, but twice - and ADMITS to it.

polo2007

yeah sexy ...Z4 very sexy why ? look in the Engine best in the world 2006 and look in the price !!! and this engine 343hp can do 290Khm..all this £44.00 only and u car become super car

BMW_Dude

A great read, as always with Claskson reviews!

He seems to change his mind, if he wants a harsh driver focused car, he should try out the Z4 M Coupe!

Imhotep Evil

What's all this non-sense.

A BMW is always a driver's car.

Besides, it beat the M5 on the Top Gear track and the SLK 55 AMG on the Hockenheim.

Matt

What was its Top Gear lap time??

Just_me

1.26.0, faster than M5 and Cayman S