Just an excerpt from the article.

Yet here's a thing. Here's the best-looking, fastest, most fun 3-Series of the lot. Sure to be the most widely admired and desired. But is it sexy? Absolutely not. There's something slightly haughty and offhand and reserved about this thing. Too perfect, too literal, too passionless. And sorry generalise, but I tend to ascribe the same qualities to its owners.
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Liked these parts:
About Step:
"On the go, you could easily imagine it was a DSG. But wafting through towns, it's smoother than a DSG. Best of all worlds? Pretty much."

3ers in general
"If anyone ever comes to you and says, "Hey, you're supposed to know about cars aren't you? What car should I buy for £x?" the answer is easy. £x can be any sum between £20,000 and £40,000, really. Your role in the conversation is to look thoughtful and say, "BMW 3-Series". Can't go wrong: it's simply a matter of determining which model."

God I hate it when they do this: "it's too perfect, I don't like it because it has no flaws"
Typical Topgear, the only way their favourite cars can win? They did it with jaguar, aston against ferrari, ...